announcer: previouslyonfreaks and geeks... sergeant pepper, where'sthe rest of the lonelyhearts club band? lindsay,is this boneheada friend of yours? i like sam. oh. do you think thatthere's any chance thatthis may actually happen? you really like her,don't you? so, if they openthis new sporting goodsmega-store at the mall, we'rein for a real fight.
well, if i were them,i'd be the nervous ones. i wouldn't shop atthat big mega-storeif you paid me. oh, i like this girl.isn't she great,lindsay? uh, yeah,she's...great. so i hear somethingvery exciting is happeningthis week at school. that's right. vice presidentgeorge herbert walker bush is coming to our schoolto speak at an assemblyin the cafeteria. boy, i wish there was a wayi uld get the vice presidentto stop at my store. you can't payfor that kind of publicity.
you know, the mostexciting thing is cindy,because she's head of the youngrepublicans club,gets to introduce him. wow, that is a big honor,isn't it lindsay? yeah, if you'rea republican. oh, and you're not? no, i'm a democrat. you know, everyone'sa democrat till theyget a little money. then they cometo their senses. captioning made possible bydreamworks television, l.l.c.
i don't give a damn'bout my reputation livin' in the past,it a new generation go and dowhat you want to do and that's whati'm gonna do and i don't give a damn'bout my bad reputation oh, no, no, no,no, no, no, no not me whah! no! no, no, no, no,no, no, no
me, me, me, me i've never been afraidof any deviation nd i don't really careif you think i'm strange i ain't gonna change and i'm never gonna care'bt my bad reputation note! it looks pretty good. what, are the blues brothersdoing a show in town tonight? no. george bush
is coming to speakto the school. the porn star? the vice presidentof the united statesof america. george bush. hi, guys. hey. what's wrong? i'm just--i'm a little nervous. i just found outwe have to play hail to the chiefwhen bush arrives.there's a lot of tuba.
don't worry about it, amy.bush probably doesn't knowanything about the tuba. i can see it now. [mimicshail to the chiefout of tune] [laughing] stop! all right, you guys. come on,beat it. there's no hangingout under the stairs. what? since when? since the vice presidentis coming. come on, gimme a break.the secret service wantsall these areas cleared out.
how we ever gonnaplan our coup? don't even joke, desario.i can get you thrown in jailjust for saying that. come on, let's go. coooooup. coup. coup. don't joke about it. it's ok. i haveto practice, anyway. want to hang outafter school? i don't know. i haveto practice. gotta study. you're a bad influence.
so i'll see you at 6:30? see ya later. bye. cindy: i hopethe game's good tonight. girl: definitely. it will be. trust me.ha ha ha. hey, guys.what's happening? [other table laughs] we don't know.
allgoing on over there. [laughing and talking] once you startdown that dark path, forever will itdominate your destiny. at least that'swhat yoda always says. i mean,not all cheerleadershave to be pretty, but their cheerleadersaren't even remotelypretty. i mean, they're dirty. you know what it is?it's disrespectful.
it's disrespectfulto their team. it's disrespectfulto their school. if i was their student body,i wouldn't allow it. hey, not all ourcheerleaders are pretty. you can say that again. todd, shut up. i wasn't talking about you. god, would youget over yourself? sam, you're notgonna defend me?
what? he--he saidhe wasn't talking about you. so you're justgonna let it go? would you stop? what, do you wantto see us fight? i'd like to see that. mousetrap! i win! congratula tions, bill.maybe you can get the schoolto start a team. funny.
sam, don't worry.it's just a game. i mean, i'm goodat mousetrap, and you'rereally good at kerplunk. no. no, no, no.it's not that. it's just this thingwith cindy. shs kinda--she's kinda boring. really? it's weird hanging outwith her friends. i mean, all sheever wants to dois make out and stuff. i'd killto be that bored.
maybe you're notdoing this right. i mean, aren't yousupposed to go outon dates and stuff? well, y-yeah.we went to the mall twice, and we went to thisfootball game once, and after that,we went to a different mall. that sounds fantastic. maybe you shouldtake her out on a date and do somethingthatyouwant to do. but what if shedoesn't want to dowhat i want to do?
then why are yougoing out with her? neal: because she's a goddess! am i the last sane manon this godforsaken planet? hey, pass her over here.i'dmoveto the mallif she wanted me to. all right. i'll ask.just shut up already. so how come we neverhang out at your house? um, 'causei hate it there? rely? yes, really.
how come everyonealways thinks i'mjoking all the time? something to dowith my voice, isn't it?that's what i think. i mean, your parentsseem so nice. well, they're notbad people. they're good at their jobs. i guess--i guessraising me wasn't one of the thingsthey learnedto do in college. so how'd you turn outam i? i don't know. i was, uh,i was raised by a nanny.
yeah. catherine. she was pretty--she was pretty great,you know. she was the best mommymoney could buy. i di i'm glad you told me. yeah. well. you know, i thinthat we tell each othereverything. it's really important,so you gotta promise meyeah. ofyou won't freak out. oh, i'm pretty hardto freak out.
no, i'm serious.you promise? i can try to promise. if you killed someoneor something, though-- no. you know, forget it. i'm sorry. go on. n. but when i was born... male or female yeah. me, too.
no, i mean--i mean,i was born with both... with bothmale and female parts. my parents made a decisionwith the doctorsi mean, thank god,that i shobecause that's who i am. but it's stilla really big part of my life... and i thought you should know. no, this is...goodthat you told me this. are you freaking out? it-- you're--you're, uh,you're all girl now.
yeah. yeah. so, you know,it's ok, you know? it's, uh, if i wasdating you whenyou were just born, things, uh, might bea little different 'cause ofall that stuff. but now you're, uh,you're all girl now,so it's...ok. thanks, ken. yeah. you know,it's, uh, i, uh, i had my appendixout, so, you know,i've been there.
ha ha ha ha. lindsay, old jeff rossois about to make your day. you've heard of a guynamed vice presidentgeorge bush, haven't you? well, i've arranged r youto ask him the first question during the informal q and awith the student body. i don't want to do that. why? because i'm a democrat. so?
so i wouldn'thave voted for reaganif i was old enough. why would i wantto talk to his lackey? gee, i don't know. maybe because he's the secondmost powerful man on earth. maybe because we livein a country where we canactually question our leaders without fearof being hacked to deathby a machete. mr. rosso, i didn't-- hey, you know what?forget it. i don't want you to talkto the vice president.
there's plenty of people herewho actually careabout their country. i guess me and my hippie friendswere all just wasting our time at berkeley demonstratingand stopping an unjust war. probably shouldn'thave bothered. ok, mr. rosso. stop. come on, lindsay.i was so excitedforyouto do it! you're a special person,and it's your destiny, if you like it or not,to be interactingwith world leaders. do you really believe that?
you bet i do. ok. fine. i'll do it. i've got the best jobin the world! 12 grand a year,and i'm overpaid. excuse me, sir.i'm gonna have to askyou and this young lady to pleaseleave the office. no, sir. wthere anything wrong? e just needto inspect and cordonoff these areas until after thevice president's visit.
but, uh, where am isupposed to work? sorry, sir,it's not my problem. thanks very much.isn't this exciting? thank you. do me a favor?give me a room sweepon the left side. uh, crockpot, you'regoing to get a visualon that bogie. he's coming at you. he's about 6'3", a realdr. feelgood look.check him out. wow. it's sixth periodalready. yep.
did you havea good lunch? i thoughtthe cafeteria food looked a little gross,so i had an apple. it was actuallypretty good. if youlike salisbury steak. [bell rings] um...i have to get to math, so-- i got chemistry. give you a call. so what should i ask?
well, ask him somethingreally tough, you know? put him on the spot.what would he notwant to talk about? they say that reaganhad iran delay the releaseof the hostages until ter he was elected. you should ask him about that.write that one down. i bet he flips. i want to ask him abouttrickle-down economics. oh, lindsay, that's boring.nobody wants to hearabout that. here, give me this notebook.kim...
i want to ask himabout the aliens at roswell. [laughing]come on. i gotta write downsome real questions. ok. how's it going? great. i think i 'm gonnaget a "b" in math.i'm so relieved. cindy, i was kindathinking that maybe you'd like to go outon a date with me.like a real date, you know?
sam, you're so sweet. of course i'll go outon a date with you. yeah? hey, you knowwhat we could do?all the football players are going to thesebatting cages, like thisgoofy golf type place, and then afterwards,they're gonna goswim in this lake. doesn't that soundlike fun? yeah. well, actually,you know... i was thinking that maybei could plan the date.
i'd take you out.it would be my surprise.it would be on me, you know? i get it. you want totake your girlfriend outlike a real gentleman. yeah. [chuckles] you know what? i thinkthat's really romantic. cool. [whistle blowing] i can't take thisanymore. why are youacting like this? acting like what? you can't even look at me!
i'm looking at you. what are you thinkingabout what i told you? nothing.you know, you told me,and i'm fine with it. you're not fine with it! you're acting completelyweird. well, i don'tthink i am. i mean, how am i supposedto act after you tell mesomething like that? i don't know,but you're notreacting at all. i don't know what to say.
there's nothing i can do.i--i can't change it. you're such a jerk. amy, tell mewhat to say, 'cause clearly you havesomething in mind. do you still like me? yeah! of coursei like you still. and you can livewith this? live with what? it's over.i mean, you know, move on. ken,you don't understand.it's not that easy.
no matterwhat the doctors did, there's always gonnabe some part of methat's... a guy? no. forget it. [bad english accent]if it were me, i'd takeher to a broadway show. broadway?we're in michigan. [normal voice]dinner theater? the jerkis playingat the discount theater. that's notexactly romantic.
laughter is the ultimateaphrodisiac. get a woman laughingand you've got a woman loving. you gotta get hera really good present. you could make her something.like out of paper mache. yeah, that's great.it's from the heart. hey, harris?what kind of presentsdo you get judith? judith has veryparticular tastes. about the only thingshe ever wants is scented oilsand plenty of timewith her man.
everybody: ecch! i have the perfect gift. what is it? your grandmothergave this to me when i was justabout cindy's age. it's an heirloom. i thought it wasthe most elegantthing i'd ever seen, and i'm sure if yourgrandmother knew how important this wasto you, she would wantyou to have it.
and i want youto have it. after all, thisis your first love. thanks, mom. wit right for each other. ia perfect couple. ok, look, i'm goingto tell you guyssomething now, d youhave to promise no and not to tell anyoneever, ok?
amy's not really a girl. but she's kinda--she'si mean, you know,she is--kinda part guy, too. what's that mean? it means thatshe was packing botha gun and the holster. l have,you know...the gun? no. the doctorstook care of it. nick: i don't thinkit works that way. youbetter get rid of her. to break up with her.nti really like her.
i might even...love her. realyeah. yeah. i don't know. does it? s to my new "office," courtesy of big brother. it's kind of cramped.sorry about that. quite all right. all right. ken miller.here. talkin'.
what can i do for you? um, i, uh, can'tbelieve it myself, but i actually came hereto ask you some advice. well, that'swhat they pay me for. yeah. um... well, there's a smalllittle chance that... i might be gay. i see. that's cool. and, you know, i thoughtyou'd be a good person
to talk to about it,since you're gay. i'm not gay. you're not? no. oh. man.i just always thought-- why did you think that? i--i don't know. you just--you kindahave this way about you, and i've--i've neverseen you with a woman.
i don't bring datesto school. look, there's nothingwrong with being gay. it's just notmy personal preference. i think i'dbetter get going. ken, you can stayand talk about this. no, i don't think i can. there's a brand-new dance,but i don't know its name that people from bad-- [heavy metal plays]
if they could see me nowthat old gang of mine i'm eatin' fancy chowand drinkin' fancy wine i'd like those stumblebumsto see for a fact the kind of top-drawer,first-rate chums i attract all i can say is, wow,hey, look at where i am i'm landing, pow,right in a pot of jam what a setup, holy cow believe it if my friendscould see me
friendscould see me said if my friendscould seme [muttering to himself] come on. come on. no! damn it!come on! mother-- mr. rosso? lindsay. what are you doing?
i locked my keysin my car. you need some help? i think i can handle it. buoh... sh's people...rejectedyour questions. so they'vewritten one for you. here. "what is yourfavorite place to eatin the state of michigan?" what the--what happened? the bush peoplefound the ones you wrotetoo "sophisticated." sophisticated?what does that mean?
that's code for "nice try,but this is a glorifiedphoto opportunity." look, i'm disappointed,too, ok? but let's try and keepa positive perspectiveon all this, ok? you actuallyget to interact with the vice presidentof the united states.that's historic. ooh. maybe if i'mlucky, he'll tell me which steakhousehas the best prime rib. don't you thinki'm p.o.'d, too? i thought we were gonnahave an actual politicalconversation.
you can't winwith these people. you know what allmy protesting accomplishedin the sixties at berkeley? 16 scars on my headfrom a tear-gas canister. we tried to get 'em to stopthe war. they stopped the warwhen they felt like it. and now allmy compatriots are gettin'rich working wall street, and i can't get my keysout of my mother's car. what, that's it?you're just gonnagive up? come on. there'snothing we can do? no, there'ssomething we can do.
you can go getbrooksie the janitorto come out here and help me. so i told todd thatrepublicans aren't...selfish. it's just that theydon't believe poor peopleshould get handouts. i mean,they should get jobs. handouts just make them lazy,don't you think? uh, i don't know.i guess so. well, they do. todd never understood.he's a democrat.they like handouts. um, and speakingof handouts, ha ha,
uh, i got you something. really? sam, you'rethe best boyfriend. what'd you get me? it's an heirloomnecklace. it's been in our familyfor generations. how much did it cost? um, i don't know.it's an heirloom. well, thank you.that's very sweet. well, do you want meto put it on you?
no, that's ok. you know, it's metal,so it'd be cold on my neckand everything. isn't that stupid?they're afraidof real questions. he's not comingto your high schoolto be interrogated by a bunchof pimple-faced teenagers. you have to be politeto the man. oh, so, what--if you havea zit, you're not entitledto an opinion? is that it? i just thinkit's nice he's coming. i mean, i'm surehe's a very busy man.
mom, busy doing what?waiting for the presidentto die so he can take over? look, thers a moreimportant opportunity to be had here. i was thinking...when you ask your question,you can mention my store. dad, that's sick. would be sickif we went out of business. your only affiliationright now to any partyis to the weir party. we need help. mom, tell himto stop, please.
no, honey,this is serious. those mega-storescan offer discountsyour father can't. this is no big deal.all you have to do is say, "hi, i'm lindsay weir.my father owns a-1 sportinggoods out on 16 mile," and then, "what'syour favorite placeto eat in michigan?" i can't believe you'reasking me to do that. oh, and maybeyou could wear one of the store'snew t-shirts.show her, honey. he hates these cans!
stay awayfrom the cans! ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha! more cans! ha ha ha ha ha! isn't this great? ye do you want somepopcorn or something? will popcorn make
isno. i think it's stupid. old is this guy? he's got gray hair,and he's running aroundlike a 5-year-old. what? [gunfire] [audience laughing] m? what are you-- ow!
i'm giving you something. oh, god, what areyou giving me? i'm giving youa hickey, you goof. oh, my god!i'm endangeringyour life! cover me! noyou're covered! , you guys, really,rosso's cool. did you everreally look at him? he's actuallykind of good-looking.
yeah, if you'reattracted to guysthat look like jesus. shut up! hey, what's up? hey, guys. what's that supposedto mean, daniel? ng, guys? oh, jee that. what the hell, ken?! take it easy, man.
oh, my god. lindsay:hey, daniel, you ok? yeah, i'm all right. are you guysgonna tell us what the hellthat was all about? just forget it, kim. daniel, he justpunched you in the face! give it a rest, ok? amy.
can you just pleaselet me explain? you ok? are you?you look weird. huh? my best friendswere punching each otherin the face tonight. cindy and me wentto seethe jerk, and she didn'tlaugh once. uh-oh. i mean,she's so pretty.
how come i don't like her? m, just 'causea girl's pretty doesn't meannot l. yeah, i know. well, don'tworry about it. if it doesn'tfeel right, you can alwaysbreak up with her. t br why nowhy?
well, because theycat believe that... she's going out with mein the first place. sam, you can't justif you donand-- ec man, sam. let me see it. you better weara turtleneck before momand dad see that. highways and dance halls
a good song takes you far you write about the moon and you dreamabout the stars blues and old motel rooms tricia, nice blouse. red, white, and bluelooks good on you. good morning, miss. wow! mr. rosso,you look really good.
yeah, i clean up nice,if i do say so myself. so, you ready? yeah, i guess. are you? yeah. that whole thingin the parking lot, that was crazy.that was inappropriate. but we shouldn'tget so worked up about it. let's just have fun.the vice president is here! this is exciting, isn't it?
so, you reallygonna do it? i'm a memberof the weir party. my stomach hurts. yeah, my stomachwould hurt, too, if i was breaking upwith the prettiestgirl in school. neal: i'm gladyour stomach hurts. know what that is?it's your bodytelling you you're makinga big mistake.
no, neal, i'm notmaking a mistake, ok? just because a girl's prettydoesn't mean that she's cool. ok, sam, first of all,of course it does. and secondly,you're just scared. i mean, years from nowyou're gonna be sittingin your house, looking at yourunattractive kids with your unattractive wife,saying to yourself, "man, why did i everdump that goddesscindy sanders?"
you know what?i can't listento any more of this. have i ever told youabout the time that i made outwith vicki appleby? oh, shut up. you're such a liar. hey, amy. whoa, wait up! is everything ok? no. i can'
t even believei came to school today. well, what's going on? like you don't know,lindsay. no, i don't. you mean kendidn't tell you? nobody'lltell me anything. do you want totalk to me? maybe i could help you. you know, lindsay,don't worry about it.
i'll see you later. hey, amy! good luck withhail to the chief! thanks. [coughing and retching] [toilet flushes] are you lindsay's brother? sam. yeah. did you just puke?
no. i'm nervous. because of george bush? i'm gonna break upwith cindy sanders. wow. why, man? she's hot. you know,she's just reallydifferent than i am. yeah. i--i knowhow that one goes. i've been thinkingi have to break upwith my girlfriend, too. [mocking] oh, how come?
it's complicated. very complicated. [sighs] it's just we don'thave anything in common. i mean, she thoughtthe jerkwas stupid. you serious? man, my girlfriendlovedthe jerk. well, we don't haveanythi anything to talk about.
she doesn't likeanything that i like. we never haveany fun together. that's too bad, man. really, my--my girlfriend'spretty cool when it comesto stuff like that. god, thenwhat's the problem? i don't know. well, i'm gonna break upwith cindy sanders. good luck, buddy. sam, i've belooking all over--
what the hell is that? sam, you'rewearing a turtleneck. are you covering upmy hickey? what? no! no,i--i-- it's kind ofembarrassing. come on,don't get all mad. oh, thanks, sam. so i guess if yougot me a diamond ring and i didn't wear itbecause i was too embarrassed,
you wouldn'tget all mad, either? hey, come on!i got you a necklace, and you'venever worn it. it was ugly! it was an heirloom. sam, do not start a fightwith me right now, ok? i have to go in thereand introduce bush. cindy... i don't want to beyour boyfriend anymore.
i just want to go backto being friends. friends? why would you justwant to be my friend? i just really wantto be your friend, like before. no? no, sam, you can'tbreak up with me. you're supposedto be nice. that's the only reasonwhy i'm going out with you
in the first place. hey, i am nice! i'm just not havingany fun. are you? no, i'm nothaving any fun, sam. have your stupidheirloom back. um, you didthe right thing. you're toogood for her. are you gonna eatwith us at lunch today? yeah, yeah.
thank god. let's go. i'm sorry. and i don't care,and i'm so sorry. i have to getto the assembly. all right,everyone just eatlike you'd normally eat. hello, my name's rosso.it'll be on your list. jeffrey theodore rosso? sir, couyes.
ld you stepover here for a second? sir, are you nowor have you ever been a member of an org anizationcalled the taft studentsalliance for a new america? ino. mean, i might beon their mailing list somewhere from way back, but i'm certainly not-- well, unfortunately,you've been red-flaggedas a security risk.
i can't allow youto attend the assembly. there must be a mistake.i work here. ok, now, i'm justgonna have to escort you to a little holding areathat we've establishedover here. oh, wait,there he is! mr. rosso,thank you so much for getting lindsaythis opportunity. lindsay:hey, mr. rosso,what's going on? where are you going?
i guess i rockedthe boat a little bitin my youth. don't worryabout it, lindsay. just go in thereand make the school proud. mr. rosso, please. step back. step away. jean: wow. see, i told youthat guy was a kook. so what doyou teach here? actually, i'ma guidance counselor.
sometimes i have tojust stand in one place for 12 hoursand stare at a wall. you start to see things. your feet--the pain well, it's an important job. you everno, it's not. heardof the vice presidentgetting assassinated? no. you know why? it's never happened.
will it ever happen?no way. because who cares? know what i mean? ladies and gentlemen, as the republican nationalcommittee student liaison for mckinley high school, i am honoredto present to you... [sniffles] the vice presidentof the united states of america,
george bush. [band playshail to the chief] yeah, hail to the chief! this song rocks! you know, sometimes--i mean, this sounds crazy-- but sometimes i thinki just want to rip offmy vest and jacket and just put on a t-shirt and go and, like,make pancakes somewhereor something. but, i mean, thatwould be crazy, right?
hey...i've got a test which revealswhat type of jobyou're best suited for. you want to take it? thanks, jeff. uh, now we're goingto open up the floor so the vice presidentcan take some questions from our student body. and our first questioncomes from ms. lindsay weir. ms. weir, go right ahead.
mr. vice president,my name is lindsay weir. my dad ownsa1 sporting goodson 16 mile road. my question is... why did your staffreject my question? are you afraidof an open discoursewith the students? [murmuring] funny kid. one of mckinley's finest. "do you like workingwith major appliances?"
that'd be a yes. www.tvsubtitles.net
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